Mortal Combat: Love vs Logic

Many times in life we are faced with choices.  If everything were black and white things would be so much easier.. Yes.. No... if those were the only two choices things wouldn't be so difficult.  However, life is filled with gray areas... the maybe.. the but what ifs.. the well if this were to change...  So what happens when the gray area is when determining a mate?

All of us have our deal breakers, meaning things that are non-negotiable.  These deal breakers vary from person to person, ie tall, thick, wealthy, to many guys fav of a phatt butt and many women's preference for..err... ummm.. well let's just say size matters. 

For many of us these are just preferences.  Most people have lists of things that we want in a mate, but are all of those things equal in weight?  For example, is height as important as salary?  Does good conversation hold the same weight as good hair? 

Some things are clearly important to a healthy relationship like communication skills, attractiveness, job stability (yes, money matters) and of course a healthy sex life.  The issue I always seem to run into is finding a guy who has some of the qualities I deem important but not all. 

Since deciding to stop accepting certain types of guys in my life, that meant I had to do some spring cleaning.  So guys who had some but not all had to go.  But was that the wise choice?

One guy in particular, many would say I made the wrong choice.  He was successful, educated, tall, beautiful brown skin, nice body build, with no kids and seemed to be interested in me.   He was willing to travel to come see me and would try to look out for me when I needed it.  He eventually started sending poetry to me as well.. yea its corny but I was an English major so the idea was nice.  So why do you ask did I let him go?  I wasn't attracted to him physically.  There was no spark when I looked at him or was around him.  I didn't get that little fluttery feeling in my stomach like I did with other guys who I had liked in the past.

I would rather be with a guy who maybe didn't graduate from college, had a steady job, with a child (not children) or some other less than ideal trait than be with someone who I wasn't attracted to.  Do not confuse attractive with attracted, there is a difference.  I can look at someone and say they are attractive without being attracted to them, nothing draws me to that person.  Logically, the guy who I let go would have been the best choice, however, my heart wasn't in it.  I had tried in the past to make my heart see what my brain did, but it never happened.

So in the battle of love vs logic.... TKO Love wins...... Didn't Bella choose Edward over Jacob?

To Defend or Not To Defend? Which is legal?

Now I am a very compassionate person and usually act like a grandma since I work with kids, so its in my nature to worry and coddle.  I usually am sympathetic to most causes and often give the beneit of the doubt.  I'm that girl who gets stood up and thinks well maybe his car broke down or his phone was stolen so he couldn't reach me.  However, when it comes to obligations, I get a little indignant.  Meaning I favor choice.

I was watching the news the other night and the report was very disturbing.  Apparently, a transgendered woman/man/IDK was beaten to the point she/he/it had a seisure in the corner of a Baltimore Mcdonalds.  This was all caught on videotape by an employee that worked at the Mcdonalds.  The two girls who beat her (I'll just say her since that what she appears to look like) were 14 and 18 years old.  They were mad because their boyfriends had hit on the transgendered girl and decided to take their anger out on her.  

There are so many issues with this one scenario that this case could become monumental.  The first being the possible hate crime associated since it is a transgendered person.  The second being, the fact that a 14 year old would have the audacity or even the mentality that it is approriate behavior to beat and kick another person until the point of a seizure. But the issue that I'd like to address is:  Are the employeess who stood by and did nothing accountable for the girl's beating? 

This is a very touchy subject, especially for those who have been bullied, jumped or had to fight a lot growing up.  The girl who was beaten is suing the employees for not helping her.  Now, granted I've stopped fights or attempted to break up fights because I'm a teacher, however, if I were on the street... No Mam.  I am not going to risk my health for the sake of yours.  Yes, I will call 911.  Yes, I will yell STOP!  Yes, I will try to help calm the situation before you get the snot beat out of you.  But there is no way in this world am I going to jump in a fight between two or more grown people that has nothing to do with me.    People these days do not value life.  Who says that the person beating you doesn't have a knife, gun or a freakin machete. Yes, I said machete... it could happen. This person could have trained with the masters and know the art of the lotus dragon or some crap.   

So does she have a case?  Should these on lookers, employees of McDonalds, have helped her?  Yes, if that was their choice to do so.  If they are found guilty, that sets the precidence that anyone who witnesses a fight must then take action to stop it.  MUST.  Legally obligated at that point.

This would sit fine with me a little bit if it weren't for the case that happened last year where 2 or 3 security guards stood by while a teen girl was jumped by a group of teens.  Yes, SECURITY GUARDS.  So that seems like an open and shut case.  NOPE.  Reporters soon found out that the security guards weren't legally supposed to help.  Its not in their contract.  They are supposed to alert the police.  That is it.

So why is it that we as citizens are supposed to be held to a higher standard than that of security guards.  Their job purpose is to protect, not mine.

I feel bad for this girl/boy but you can't sue people for not helping you. If you can I'm going to start suing a whole bunch of folks!!

            

New Beginnings- What you accept determines your success, Part I

The only thing constant in this world is change. But waiting for change to come, can seem like it will never will.  Every day I think about my life, my past mistakes, my future goals, and how I can learn from my mistakes to create a better tomorrow.  And trust I have made enough mistakes to write a self-help book; Steve Harvey would have nothing on me!

From school, to love and relationships, I have faced many failures just like everyone else in the world.  But the thing about failure is to not wallow in the fact that you did not succeed, but to figure out what went wrong and not repeat.  I repeat, do NOT repeat.

My latest self-revelation came from an email sent to me from a good friend about relationships.  For awhile, I believed I sent out the wrong vibe or carried myself the wrong way to attract the lames, whores, and  relationship-phobic men that I've encountered.  However, this particular article claimed that most men you meet are not going to be what you want anyway.  Not saying that all men are dogs or that they're substandard, but many may not be your preference, ie. education, ambition, religion, attractiveness etc. 

So the question that remained was "Why was I always dealing with the BS of poor relationships or lack of one?"  It was because I accepted these non-qualifying men into my life.  There is always a choice when you meet someone of whether you continue getting to know him/her or quickly accessing that he/she has nothing to contribute to your life. 

I know when I was younger and naive to the dating dos and don'ts, I allowed males in my life who were typical college males with no intention of falling in love.  However, on the cusp of my 26th birthday, I should not still be having the same issues.  Sadly, many of the same issues my girls are having. 

So now what?  How do I change a behavior that I have been doing since college?  One is realizing good things come to those who wait.  Yes, I feel as though I've waited an excruciating long time as it is already but as my path diverges, I can take the road less traveled and wait for the one who is Mr. Right.  Two, being genuinely OK with being single.  I say this because many girls, myself included, get on this "I am Woman, hear me Roar!" soapbox and then accept the next little scraggly thing that hollers at them.  Yes, it is nice to have someone to wish you goodnight, but if that person isn't who you want, what good is it?  Third, being honest about what and who I want and those who, as much as I would like them to be Mr. Right, simply are not.  This includes all guys who you swear up and down will change, have promised to change or you think you can change.  The reality of the situation is, they are not going to change.  There may be exceptions, but you can wait around for that and tell me how that works out for you. 

I haven't figured out what else I will do on this new journey for myself, but that's half the fun.